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“When we hear other person’s feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.”

– Marshall B. Rosenberg, Author of Nonviolent Communication

Download your Needs List for Nonviolent Communication!

The Art of Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication centers on the idea that all emotions and actions stem from attempts to satisfy certain needs. 

When you take the time to observe closely, you can notice that pleasant emotions like “happiness” and “gratitude” may arise when your needs are being met. On the other hand, unmet needs may lead to feeling unpleasant emotions like “frustration” and “loneliness”. 

You can practice communicating the NVC way by keeping in mind the 4-step NVC process. Understanding the basics of each component can help you communicate your needs better and, soon, find ways to meet them.

NVC explained in 4 simple steps

NVC explained in 4 simple steps

The thought of vulnerability and being honest about your needs can be daunting, especially when you are not encouraged or used to communicating them. But how can you communicate your needs better?

Below is a simple flow of the 4-step NVC process, what it stands for, and how to apply it in daily interactions.

Visual for 4-step Nonviolent Communication process

Observations

Observations are what we clearly observe through our senses: Sight, Hear, Smell, or Touch, without mixing it with evaluation and judgment.

Feelings

Feelings are internal, automatic reactions we have in certain situations. It is important to have a comprehensive vocabulary of our emotions to effectively identify them.

Needs

Needs are the core of NVC. Each arising feeling is connected to either met or unmet needs. These needs are indications of what is present or missing in our lives.

Requests

Requests are phrases you construct to give others the opportunity to your needs. What makes it different from demands is how you react when the other person says no to your requests.

Example:

I feel annoyed and shocked when you entered my room without knocking or asking if you were allowed to go inside. I want to meet my needs for solitude and space, would you be willing to knock first and ask for permission before you enter next time?

Why use the Needs List for Nonviolent Communication?

Now that you are learning more about NVC, let us dive deeper. 

There might be instances in your life when you immediately react to situations without understanding the reason behind their existence. Identifying your needs through the Needs List can be a starter in helping you pinpoint what you truly need—whether it is connection, understanding, or support. 

Below, you can find the list of needs categorized respectively. These needs are organized by their relevance and similarities. They are by no means complete and you can name more needs that are not in the list.

peace & relationships

Needs with turquoise to green gradient are those you can meet with the involvement of others and motivated by the desire to naturally build harmonious relationships. Some of these needs are connection, belonging, and intimacy.

relationships & action

Needs with green to yellow gradient are those you can meet with the help of others. Needs under this category are more action-oriented. Some of these needs are contribution, appreciation, and reciprocity.

action & individual

Needs with yellow to orange gradient are those that are more focused on play and active engagement. Some of these needs are fun, variety, and inspiration.

individual & meaning

Needs with orange to pink gradient are about finding meaning and striving for growth in life. Some of these needs are clarity, learning, and authenticity.

meaning & order

Needs with pink to red gradient emphasized on the need to achieve optimal results and influence. Some of these needs are efficiency, impact, and fairness.

order & stability

Needs with red to blue gradient are focused on needs that you can control and that you should meet for basic survival. Some of these needs are structure, rest, and food.

stability & peace

Needs with blue to turquoise gradient are about valuing inner peace and appreciation of the nature of life. Some of these needs are beauty, spirituality, and balance. 
    Download the Needs List

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