Using Emotions as a Compass for Self-Discovery

Author's note: This article was first published in Praxis Kommunikation

In today's world, young people face a world where seemingly anything is possible. The digital age has opened up a wealth of unprecedented opportunities but has also significantly impacted how young people make decisions. According to a survey by Amnesty International, 74% of young people aged 13 to 24 say they check their social media accounts more often than they would like. This constant confrontation with content within their filter bubble makes many of them increasingly anxious and self-critical as they constantly compare their experiences with those of others.

However, this excessive demand at a time when life-changing decisions such as career or study choices are pending also offers the opportunity to pave the way for self-discovery and intelligent decision-making processes through professional support. As coaches, we can see this challenge as an opportunity and use it to the advantage of our young clients. The paradox of choice: As we grow up, we realize that our lives are a series of choices that determine our future and well-being. This can be both motivating and intimidating. Young people today are afforded the autonomy and freedom to shape their own lives that once seemed unthinkable - from choosing an educational path to forming various relationships, well beyond secondary socialization, to defining and working out their dreams. 

The variety of design options has increased dramatically over the last thirty years. Barry Schwartz describes in his book “The Paradox of Choice” that an overabundance of options may seem liberating at first glance, but often leads to decision paralysis and dissatisfaction. The fear of making the wrong choice leads to a prolonged decision-making process and difficulties in making decisions. Here it is important to support young people and teach them that emotions play a central role in the decision-making process. A deeper understanding of their own emotions and desires can help them to narrow down their choices and make informed decisions.

Emotions tell us what we really want and need. They act as a compass on our journey of self-discovery. Accepting pleasant and unpleasant emotions can help young people understand their needs, desires, fears, and dreams more deeply. It is important to teach them that experiences and both pleasant and unpleasant emotions are integral parts of life and that we need to accept them to learn from them. 

By learning to recognize the underlying needs behind their emotions, young people can weigh up their options with greater clarity. Increased awareness and understanding of their emotions enable them to navigate the complexities of decision-making with greater confidence. As coaches and adults, we are responsible for equipping young people with techniques that enable them to recognize and regulate their emotions.

The first step to self-awareness is understanding and naming one's own emotional world. We promote self-confidence by guiding young people to identify and articulate their emotions. A differentiated emotional vocabulary enables them to grasp and understand their feelings more accurately. Tools such as the Emotions Compass can have a supportive effect here by naming a variety of emotions and thus opening up access to deeper emotional reflection. Recognizing and naming emotions is a crucial step towards using them as a guide for your needs and decisions.

Practical experience: At the beginning of the conversation, I ask my client to reflect on her feelings over the past week. We start with an emotional curve over time and connect the days. The sketch captures the valence and intensity of the feelings. We then use the emotional compass to name the highs and lows in the curve as well as other important emotional experiences of the week. As the client's emotional vocabulary is not yet very well developed, especially at the beginning of the coaching relationship, this reflective exercise helps to expand it. 

The ability to identify emotions is fundamental to their regulation. Introducing young people to techniques such as keeping a diary is crucial. Writing down thoughts and feelings creates a space for self-reflection and allows emotions to be considered without rash judgment. Through this practice, young people learn to recognize patterns in their emotional reactions and develop strategies for dealing with them. Mindfulness helps young people to reconcile emotional and rational considerations and make balanced decisions.

Practical experience: My client is now able to express her feelings in a more differentiated way, but has difficulties influencing her emotional world herself. Cognitive access to her feelings using words was the first step. “Where do you feel your feelings in your body?” I ask her. We discuss the supposedly correct location for a while. In the next step towards self-regulation, I ask her: “Where and how do you feel gratitude in your body?” - “Lightness in your chest.” At the end, I ask her if she can feel the lightness right now. “Yes.” “Congratulations,” I say, “you've just made yourself grateful.” 

Our job as coaches is to provide guidance and turn obstacles into opportunities. By promoting young people's emotional awareness and teaching them effective methods for dealing with emotions, we equip them with the necessary tools for their journey to smart decision-making. The key to informed decision-making and self-discovery lies in looking inside oneself and exploring one's inner self. Let's help young people confidently navigate life's challenges by training them in emotional intelligence.