Table of contents
All conflicts have several perspectives to them. This method is for you if you need help exploring, understanding, and resolving conflicts that your clients have. The method is anchored in the principles of Nonviolent Communication.
The method is written for the situation where your client is part of the conflict and the other party is not present. Should you have both parties present in your session, you can let each of them make their selections and show their assumptions about the other party. Then, in the end, you need to merge both perspectives.
Objectives
Review the conflict between two people.
Visualize the two different perspectives on the conflict.
Explore the needs below the surface.
Find common ground, potential solutions, and next steps for the conflict.
Preparation and Resources
coaching cards set “What do you need?”
You can arrange the picture cards that will be selected by the client in a similar fashion as shown in the layout chart linked below. Alternatively print and use the layout chart provided.
Facilitation
Introduction:
Let your client describe the conflict at hand in a rough outline.-
My Perspective:
Then let your client pick a picture card that represents their perspective on the conflict. This includes how they feel and think about it.Discuss the client’s perspective and why they chose the image. If you are using a deep pictures set, let the client write down important feelings and thoughts on the backside of the image card. Otherwise, write them down where the both of you can see them.
Go into the details and how these details are represented in the image.
For missing details, let the client add them as drawings to the picture. Avoid the usage of words if possible. Alternatively, let the client write down what is missing in words.
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Your Perspective:
Let the client choose a second picture for the perspective of the other party.Ask the client to describe the conflict from the other perspective. Which feelings and thoughts are connected to them? Write them down again.
How does it feel to be in the other party’s shoes?
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Our Needs:
For effective conflict resolution, we need to understand what both parties are feeling and thinking and which needs are not being met.Use the coaching cards set “What do you need?” and let your client go through them to select up to 4 cards.
For both images (including thoughts and emotions), choose the two most important needs that are not being met that result in unpleasant emotions and following actions.
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Our Solutions:
Lastly, ask your client what would be necessary to meet all the unmet needs.Based on this discussion, ask your client to develop at least three solutions to the conflict.
Discuss the different solutions regarding their short-term and long-term effects. Which solution resolves the short-term pain? Which one creates long-term happiness? Which solution creates the most benefits for both sides?
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Next steps:
After looking at the technical solutions at the surface AND the emotions, thoughts and needs below the surface from both sides, action is needed. The following steps determine if anything will really change.-
If you are working with only one party:
Make sure to bring into the conversation the other party in the next session. Then, you can show, verify, and build on the openness of your client.
Alternatively run the same exercise with the second party in an individual session. And only after both parties have done the exercise do you bring both of them to the same table and show how they see the conflict.
Alternatively let your client show and further discuss the solutions, images, emotions, thoughts and needs with the other party. Debrief how it went in your next session.
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If you are running this method with both parties , just let each of them make their own selections. Then discuss both perspectives and assumptions about the other party together. You may want to already take step “Our Solutions” together instead of creating individual solutions.
