This post is the BONUS article of our blog series on self-care for beginners. The series is designed to answer your initial questions, give you tips on how to get started and show you how you can learn to live with a self-caring approach. Find the first part here, the second part here and the final part here.
A method for coaches and therapists
In coaching and therapy, the metaFox deep questions ‘Me Time’ self-care cards can deepen the participants’ self-knowledge. Here is a suggestion on how coaches and therapists can make even better use of the potential of these cards and get to the heart of your client’s answer.
After the client draws a card and gives their answer, the coach or therapist asks them “Why?” five times in a row. Questions beginning with “why” are the most difficult to answer. Therefore, make sure to have a sufficient time allowance for this part in your coaching or therapy session.
An example exchange between a coach/therapist and a client:
What is a wish you hold for your future?
I wish to have a healthy and happy family and a job that fulfills me.
Because the most important things for me are close relationships and meaningful work.
Probably because I lacked close relationships as a child. Also because I want to help others with my work.
Family relationships were disrupted by my parents’ divorce, but again I became closer to my sister. Helping others is probably what makes sense to me in life. That’s why I want my job to be like that.
My sister and I found ourselves on the same ship, and we began to help each other more. I think that’s why we have such a nice relationship now. At work, it is important for me to establish a relationship with the client based on trust. I also want to be useful to society.
Because we went through a difficult period together, which brought us closer and we know that we can rely on each other. Now I see that the need to help others also stems from the value of close relationships. Work makes sense to me when I can be in a real human relationship with a client. I want to be useful to society because I feel that I am part of a more important whole, which gives me a greater sense of fulfillment.
Of course, real conversations during coaching and therapy will most likely not follow such a clear process. Nevertheless, this example conversation exemplifies the value of digging deeper, beyond what a first answer might reveal.
A note on the question “Why”
While “why” can be considered the most ‘powerful’ word to start a question, it can also hold a notion of judgment or blame. For this reason, it can sometimes be effective to replace a “Why” with a “What for?”, “How come?” or even a simple “What else?”.